Point-and-Klick Tango:
	The ultimate Discordian time machine... This is a CGI port of the Pascal implementation of the Preliminary Specification... see for yourself and klock the time of Discord. (CGI kindly hosted by Will Linden, author of the ultimate calendars page.)
	A JavaScript implementation of the Erisian calendar as defined in Principia Discordia, here with a specially holyfied Extension. Also as a mess-dos executable.
	JavaScript random quote selector, based partly on Kristin Buxton's Discordian quotes list. See also the mess-dos program.
	Random belief generator, based on the C source found at Emperor Norton's FTP site; here ported to Perl. There's also a mess-dos version.
	Discordian haiku generator (Perl CGI), also available for mess-dos.

Re-des-organization note: All the stuff that's been here is still here, but the non-weird stuff's been moved to General Frenetics freeware page. Which may be where you want to go. Or not.

Inattention!

Announcing: New specification for Discordian Time Measurement! In addition to the calendar, as defined in Principia Discordia, Erisians are now invited to ponder upon the profound insignificance and download the executable form of the Discordian KLOCK, a new and fine byproduct from General Frenetics! Percolate! This is the first release, and if you don't want the Klock, look at the Erisian Time Unit Specification. There's also a CGI version I've just finished, the one activated by the Klock button above. And here is the full Perl code for the script. Grab it and put it on your CGI server, or link to it! (Thanks.) And now, there's also a freshly compiled Windows 95 version of Klock, featuring Discordian Kalendar and a time and date converter. Hail Eris!

These are a few Discordian Softwarez for DOS, Win95, JavaScript and Perl, designed to be fully useless and to generally dehance your perception of stuff. Yeah, stuff is a good word. Will be used more later. They were all written in Turbo Pascal 7.0, Perl and/or Delphi. they're free and are unlikely to thrash your FAT, but what they may do to your pineal and other glands, there is no telling. Most of them are also available as Perl or JavaScript source. The documentation is little or non-existent, so ask your Pineal Gland, but the programs do respond to the usual "-?" command-line argument, so use it, 'cuz some of them do more than they appear to. Pascal source code is included in some cases, but beware, it a freaky mess. N-Joy.

FNORDKU!!! (New,30 kb Zip)

You've seen Sci-Faiku... and Horrorku... and even haiku headlines of the day. Now is the time for Discordians to stick apart around their own conspiratorial source! Fnordku eats Principia Discordia and spews haikus back. The syllable count routines are a touch fnorded, so bear with them, but most of the time Fnordku gets it right. Now look: the zip archive decomposes into 2 files: the executable and the data file. Keep them both in the same directory, and don't rename the data file. No docs, but do the "-?" thingie, it helps. Also, check out the Best of Fnordku page within. On average you get one cool haiku every four/five shitty ones... I don't suppose most human poets do better. So don't say you weren't warned if they jump out at you and start making sense. 'Coz they will. (The Fnordku Button above will produce a CGI version of the same. Here is also the Perl source for the script)

Up-date: Windows 95 version is now available! (212 kb, zipped). This version includes a compiler so you can create fnordkus based on any text file you want. Here's a screenshot of the main screen and the compiler window.

Finally, check out some choice spewage performed by the haiku generator: the YesKu and the CyberHaikuPunk pages...

Near-Miss-Fortune Kookies (56 kb Zip)

A truly Discordian Kookie Jar, containing the Discordian Quotes file maintained by Countess Nichtgelbschneeessen, High Priestess of the Cult of the Sacred Tentacled Kiwi, as well as a few dozen other quotes, kookies, taglines, and Redeeming Suggestions. (The Near-Miss-Fortune Button above will produce a JavaScript version of the same.)

Up-date: Windows 95 version (250 kb, zipped). This one is a fully-fledged signature generator, with add/remove/select features, timer and lots of options. Got six duckies from NoNags. Here's a screenshot of the main window.

Religious belief generator (15 kb Zip)

Snatched from C code by an unknown but surely saintly programmer, with more choice weirdness added by General Frenetics Softyware. If you're short on things to disbelieve, try this one (source code included). It will generate a new religion for you every 2.3 miliseconds, and then some. You'll see the fnords. (The Godspell Button above will produce a CGI version of the same. Here is also the Perl source for the script)

Erisian Dates (14 kb Zip)

No, not "dates" as in "fine ladies", though it could possibly provide for a conversation piece (no guarantees, though). A Discordian Calendar with choice randomness added by yours truly. The Calendar has been illuminated to produce a Holy Name and a Holyness Level for each and every day of the year. A feat for your pineal gland year-square. It also shows the moon phases (in reverse, though, dunno why). The actual calendar routines were shamelessly snatched from original C code by Rev. Ladysmith Buckminster Jones and they're fnorded, 'coz the name of the weekday is always 2 days ahead of that which another Discordian Date program, by Rev. Pope SiGRiD Fenderson V, K.S.C., available from Sector 6 Cabal fnordsite shows. Well either his or mine routines are fnorded at any rate, but I added an adjustment switch to correct the discrepancy for the weak of heart. (see for yerself, source code sits in the zip file.) Some time later I'll put up here a new version of the Calendar which will support Pope Icky Fundament's New Calendrical System, a whole leap of faith (?) away from the aneristic year count - if only someone can explain that to me... (The Kalendar Button above will produce a JavaScript version of the same.)

Winkey Lexicon (26 kb Zip)

This is a prime time-wasting utility that stores a lexicon of over 750 emoticons with definitions. You supply the smileys on the command line, it prints out the meanings - or you ask for a meaning and it prints out corresponding smileys. It will even read in a text file (like an email letter), look for smileys inside it and print out the interpretation! It can also run in interactive mode so you can browse those fnordy faces for hours. Like I said, a total waste of time. Needs some cleaning up of the library (a few duplicates), but never mind. Hail Eris!
(By the way, there is also an on-line Smiley Dictionary out there somewhere, but it's plain text, unfortunately.)

Jargon File Reader (14 kb Zip)

Mm, not a Discordian thingie as far as it goes, but the Jargon File, a.k.a. The New Hackers' Dictionary is a Discordian Night Special by all counts; to me, it first brought the tidings of the Net, and it gave me Discordianism. The Jargon File is a Public Domain document, and a huge repository of hacking slang, jargon, humor and marvelous weirdness, maintained and edited by Eric Raymond. The file may be browsed on-line, but it is also available for download, some 500 kb of a gzip pack, decompressing to a monstrous 1.3 M. That is nice, but somewhat unwieldy - hence the Jargon File Reader (mess-dos, remember!). Now, I once converted the whole Jargon File into a Windoze .HLP file, but it was all done by hand, and therefore unsuitable for distribution, since new versions of the Jargon File appear faster than I can massage them into RTF. (If anyone knows how that could be automated, please let me know! It's worth the effort, comes out quite neat, but the conversion must be at least semi-automatic. I once looked at the RTF specs and freaked.) The second best thing I could come up with is the little Thingie right here - it is a command-line driven Thingie with some rudimentary search capabilities, but it does its job. It's not pretty. OK, it's downright the ugliest Thingie you ever saw, I admit. Oh, one last thing: BEFORE YOU DOWNLOAD, do read the brief doc file to make sure you will be able to use it.

More Erisian warez!!

Verily! You do need more stuff. Go ye and collect!

The Emperor Norton Utilities (FTP) This is the original source of all Erisian warez. Contains executable mess-dos software, C source code, Perl scripts, and that's only the start. The connection can be slow, so bookmark this link and keep trying. This place is an Isle of Plenty.

The Sector 6 Cabal has a nicely furnished Discordian software section, containing mess-dos executables (including the infamous Calendar) and source code. My favorite piece there is the one-and-only Discordian Crypto machine, designed precisely to the specifications provided in The Book. The site is heavy on graphics and JavaScript, and it will make your Pineal Gland spin in both directions at once. Don't miss the imparticular specs for HTDL - Hypertext Discord Language tags!

If you find yourself in need of a Portable Discordian Temple, here's the place to go. Or, you can get your own personalized Pope Card right here.

Naturally, you ought not to miss The Book. There's a fine HTML version by Pope Patterson of the Bowels of the Asylum, Foobaz of the Slowly Inclining, and Wojot VII, Squido Speedo of the Priestess of the Large Cheese Biscuit. But wait! There is also Principia Discordia scanned, page for page, almost a hundred .GIF files that should not be used as toilet paper. And finally...

Get thee to Discordian Confessional where CGI and Enlightenment are one!

Now, don't get me wrong.

This Site is a member of the Ring of Fnords, the only Discordian CyberCabal on the WWW. You can navigate through the ring by using the following buttons:

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Yours very deeply in Fnord,
m'Eniac, Lord High Fuddlemeister of the Lone Synapse

Last time I added some fnords here was on Pungenday, day 41 of Aftermath, Y.O.L.D. 3164.

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Percolate!

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